Yesterday, I was hopeless. I was a miserable wretch who was irritable to her children. Nothing was going right. Or that’s how it seemed to my soul.
You see, yesterday I had forgotten the hope I have in God. The hope that led me to move out of my house 18 months ago and move into my parents basement so the Lord could sell my house. The hope that has seen me through all the struggles of living in a home that is not my own. The hope that has given my parents patience as they deal with all the noise and chaos that comes with a large family living in their home.
But yesterday all I saw was how frustrated I was with living here. Having to share a space. Having nothing really be my own, down to even my schedule and basic household management. All our struggles, the kids attitudes, my attitudes, have been out in the open. Nothing was hidden.
I used to run a fairly tight ship, but since we moved here my “ship” has been in disarray because it was “only temporary”. The things necessary for life are placed here and there, in no real order, because I have to put things where I can fit it in the space they have loaned to me. The kitchen is fairly distant from the the living space we are given and, since a lot of my work is in the kitchen, I don’t have the time I want or the control I want over my family.
On and on my pity party went. Feeling sorry for myself. Really, if I had to live with someone for over a year, this is the best possible circumstance. The house is large and we can go whole days without seeing each other. My family is living in more rooms than we were in the house we are selling. But … it’s not mine. About once a month I feel down about my life and where I find myself at present. Sometimes I even feel like less of a person.
When I feel like this, there is only one solution: I go to the Rock that is higher than I. I turn to the Word of God to renew my strength. I know God has led me to this point. He led us to move out of our house and He has been directing the circumstances that have kept us where we are today.
In my daily bible reading, I came across this verse in Romans 15:13:
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.”
It was beautiful and exactly what I needed: to revive my hope in God. I turned to a bible study program and ran a word search on ‘hope’. This verse was loud and clear among the others:
But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. It is good for a man that he bear the yoke in his youth. (Lamentations 3:-27 21ESV)
Praise the Lord, He is my hope! My heart will be steadfast!
I am on my way out of the fog of hopelessness. Its not a black and white feeling. But at least I’m on the other side. I know my God is working for me, not against me, and He will fulfill His promises.